Sunday from

If there is one thing you do not want to do on a Sunday morning, it is wake up, and instantly know that you are going to lose your cookies. And if there is anything worse than that, it is probably kneeling over a toilet for the next 5 hours as your body violently tries to expel the entire contents of your stomach, even after there is nothing left. And if you should then spend the rest of the day doing homework and nibbling on saltine crackers, you just might have had the worst day ever.

Being sick away from home sucks major ass. All you want is someone to take care of you, get you pillows and ginger ale and your favorite blanky and a movie, but all you have is your roommate and her annoying techno trance music and your floormates' mocking laughter.

Can you blame a girl for being bitter?

What I don't want to hear at 11:00pm

So...life is hard sometimes, yes? Yes. I think that is something that can be mutually agreed upon. But I feel as though recently things have been harder than usual. Maybe because I'm 2000 miles away from the only person I feel that really understands me, maybe because my purported "bestie" is having a crazed bitchfest, maybe because I'm finally realizing that my childhood was not perfect and bathed in golden light, maybe because some of my deepest darkest issues are rising to the surface, whatever. I don't know. I'm finding it really hard to just take a deep breath and soldier on. The overabundance of jelly beans, m&ms and frosted flakes is also making it really hard for me to get out of my wallowy funk and have a life.

I have realized recently that I have deep-seated issues regarding my physical appearence. I noticed of late that I look at other girls and automatically compare myself to them - am I fatter, skinnier, taller, prettier, paler, jigglyer than they are? Which of us is better dressed? Is her hair better than mine? This is an issue for me. And it really doesn't help when people I know critisize girls that are my size, my coloring, or in some small way resemble me (or what I think of myself) and call them ugly, not cute, pale, trashy, etc. And since I hang out almost exclusively with someone that judges quite harshly based on appearence, I feel as though my self-image has taken a turn for the worse. And does this negative self image inspire me to go out and make it better? No. Instead I retreat to my computer to watch back episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and 30 Rock and eat obscene amounts of junk food and green tea. Blargh. I need some professional help.

On an upside, I am now the proud owner of this moped. Cute, huh? Can't you just see me tooling around Appleton on this darling little thing? And also, the FVTC is offering the class I need over the summer so I'll be able to do that. And Michelle is taking me to her sorority's spring formal, so I can dance all night!

Ugh. Must write a lab report. Ew.

This Week the Trend

I'm back in AZ. Not incredibly exciting, but at least it's warmer than at home. I honestly feel as though when I'm here, I'm just going though the motions - my day falls into a routine that I mindlessly keep to. I don't have a choice. My activities and classes and tv shows dictate when I come and go and eat and sleep. If it keeps going like this, the next month and a half are going to pass by pretty quickly.

I finally changed my major - I'm now officially a nursing student at the College of Nursing and Health Care Innovation. Doesn't that sound spiffy? One hitch though - residential life has a new policy that if you're going to live on campus, you have to live on the campus where your degree is located. For me, that's Downtown Phoenix. And considering that I currently have plans to live on the Tempe campus...that's an issue. I spoke to my advisor about it though, and we can play beaurocratic games so that I'm where I want to be. Honest it is not, but successful it will be. (can you hear the yoda coming out in my voice?)

Read Darkly Dreaming Dexter today (thanks to betsy), and it was surprisingly not as good as the tv show. The tv show really brought more exposition to the table and explained motives and motivations and backstory a lot better. Although, I suppose that is to be expected, considering that the book had about 200 pages and the tv show was about 12 hours...Anyway, you should read the book and then watch the show. It was a thrilling experience.

Anyone want to go for ice cream with me?

Muffins has MRSA?

I feel like a death row prisoner who only has a few more days until his meeting with the electric chair. Except that in my case, the electric chair is the plane back to AZ. There's really nothing for me to do right now except sit at home wallowing in my dread. Much as I've been bored out of my skull the past week, I really have enjoyed being home where all of the streets are familiar, where the food is legitimately food and having enough time to do what I want to. There's just something about being able to sleep in my own bed (and have it not be a million feet off the floor) that is incredibly comforting. I also very much like this whole no classes thing.

So this morning I logged onto the upstairs computer and looked through all of my files - music, old essays, pictures, fanfic (ugh), poems, stories, all of it. And I floored by what has changed and what has not. I've been writing poems on that computer since eighth grade, and I don't hate the poems I read (the short stories were a different matter...I shudder to think that I thought they were good...). But holy cow, was I prolific. I had over 40 bits of ficion, poetry, fanfic, etc. And even though they weren't all good, I miss being at a place in my life where I could just sit down at a computer and pour my heart out and have it turn into poetry. I really miss that.

So guess what - you could be in danger of getting a horrible disease from your cat. No, not the dreaded cat flu (does that even exist?) but something infinitely more worrisome and deadly - MRSA. That's right. Your trusty puddle of fluff may be harboring a methicillin resistant strain of staphylococcus aureus. Now that's something to make you a little bit wary.

A Long Overdue Return

I stopped blogging over a year ago. Something about it just soured for me - maybe it was the need for approval (read: comments) that it inspired in me, perhaps the obscene amount of time I spent trolling the communities, or maybe it was a buildup of better things to do.

But I've really missed it. Lately I feel as though I'm unable to express myself as eloquently as I want to, and perhaps a return to the written word will inspire an upswing in the quality of my speech. And even if no one is out there reading, I suppose that blogging is in itself a sort of therapy for me - getting my thoughts out of my head and onto, well, not paper exactly, but you know what I mean. So...please enjoy this while I'm still writing, and even if blogging once again loses it's thrall, I'll have something to look back on in a year or so and wonder to myself at what a silly girl I was.

In the world today...
Why would you do this? Don't you think that 800 dogs is enough for two people? Share the love. Come on.