So...life is hard sometimes, yes? Yes. I think that is something that can be mutually agreed upon. But I feel as though recently things have been harder than usual. Maybe because I'm 2000 miles away from the only person I feel that really understands me, maybe because my purported "bestie" is having a crazed bitchfest, maybe because I'm finally realizing that my childhood was not perfect and bathed in golden light, maybe because some of my deepest darkest issues are rising to the surface, whatever. I don't know. I'm finding it really hard to just take a deep breath and soldier on. The overabundance of jelly beans, m&ms and frosted flakes is also making it really hard for me to get out of my wallowy funk and have a life.
I have realized recently that I have deep-seated issues regarding my physical appearence. I noticed of late that I look at other girls and automatically compare myself to them - am I fatter, skinnier, taller, prettier, paler, jigglyer than they are? Which of us is better dressed? Is her hair better than mine? This is an issue for me. And it really doesn't help when people I know critisize girls that are my size, my coloring, or in some small way resemble me (or what I think of myself) and call them ugly, not cute, pale, trashy, etc. And since I hang out almost exclusively with someone that judges quite harshly based on appearence, I feel as though my self-image has taken a turn for the worse. And does this negative self image inspire me to go out and make it better? No. Instead I retreat to my computer to watch back episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and 30 Rock and eat obscene amounts of junk food and green tea. Blargh. I need some professional help.
On an upside, I am now the proud owner of this moped. Cute, huh? Can't you just see me tooling around Appleton on this darling little thing? And also, the FVTC is offering the class I need over the summer so I'll be able to do that. And Michelle is taking me to her sorority's spring formal, so I can dance all night!
Ugh. Must write a lab report. Ew.
1 comment:
YOU my dear, are absolutely beaUtiful.
Trust me.
Although, I must say that I'm quite the hypocrite in chastising you for having these thoughts when I have them everyday too.
I think it's just a phase we're going through. You know, as brain-twins?
I DO know that I have gained ridiculous pounds in the last few weeks and that my semi-healthy lifestyle has turned into a psuedo-healthy lifestyle. Yuck. I'm going to try to change that, and if you're really concerned about yourself, then we can do it TOGETHER! AHHH!!!!
Sorry I haven't called at ALL this week. It's been kind of ridiculous. I'll definitely give you a ring-a-ling tomorrow. Fo Sho.
And MOPED?! I am SOOOO JEALOUS.
<3<3<3<3<3
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