Thursday, October 23, 2008
In a melancholy sort of mood
Do you ever have those days that are just ordinary days but for some reason by the end of them you feel so despairing and so depressed and so unsure of yourself that you just don't even know who you are anymore?
Today was kind of like that.
And it's not that I don't know who I am, necessarily, but more like I don't know who other people are. I've come to the conclusion that several people who I counted as friends are not exactly as such, considering that real friends do not a) ignore you, b) belittle you, c) make fun of you, d) talk shit about you to their other friends. So I have to friend-break-up with someone, and then I have to lean more heavily on other friends, and I'm not even sure they want to be real friends. Real friends hang out. Real friends do things with each other. Real friends reply to facebook posts.
I just kind of want to cry. Instead, I'm going to listen to emo music on my ipod and fall asleep.
Today was kind of like that.
And it's not that I don't know who I am, necessarily, but more like I don't know who other people are. I've come to the conclusion that several people who I counted as friends are not exactly as such, considering that real friends do not a) ignore you, b) belittle you, c) make fun of you, d) talk shit about you to their other friends. So I have to friend-break-up with someone, and then I have to lean more heavily on other friends, and I'm not even sure they want to be real friends. Real friends hang out. Real friends do things with each other. Real friends reply to facebook posts.
I just kind of want to cry. Instead, I'm going to listen to emo music on my ipod and fall asleep.
Sunday, October 19, 2008
To reuse a simile from calculus...
...this weekend has been a veritable cosine graph of ups and downs.
Up: I started work - and work is fantastic. I get to listen/watch amazing shows, smile at people for a total of about 2 out of the four hours I work, and then I get to do homework and read for the rest.
Down: I started work. I worked Thursday night, Friday night, today's matinee and evening show, and I work tomorrow night. That's a total of 20 hours in one weekend. Uy.
Up: I went out last night and had a FANTASTIC time. I hung out with some really chill people and had a lot of fun.
Down: I went out last night and became a little tipsy and started becoming friendly with this guy who looked kind of like Frodo, and we sat next to each other on the couch and he put one arm around me and the other on my leg and I was starting to get comfortable when Michelle told me that Jordan was uncomfortable with that situation and so I spurned Frodo's advances even though it felt really nice that someone was paying attention to me and holding me. I am THAT nice.
Up: I didn't have a hangover.
Down: I have a sore throat and I blame it on bacteria from the highly unsanitary conditions of the beer pong game responsible for my inebriation. P.S. Beer is really really nasty. It tastes like liquid bread dough with fizz.
Up: I met some really cute guys at work.
Down: They have girlfriends/are aware that dating a coworker is a bad idea.
Up: Sarah Palin on SNL!
Down: It's Saturday night and I'm sitting in my apartment making an emo playlist and watching Sarah Palin on SNL.
Like I said. My life is a cosine graph.
Up: I started work - and work is fantastic. I get to listen/watch amazing shows, smile at people for a total of about 2 out of the four hours I work, and then I get to do homework and read for the rest.
Down: I started work. I worked Thursday night, Friday night, today's matinee and evening show, and I work tomorrow night. That's a total of 20 hours in one weekend. Uy.
Up: I went out last night and had a FANTASTIC time. I hung out with some really chill people and had a lot of fun.
Down: I went out last night and became a little tipsy and started becoming friendly with this guy who looked kind of like Frodo, and we sat next to each other on the couch and he put one arm around me and the other on my leg and I was starting to get comfortable when Michelle told me that Jordan was uncomfortable with that situation and so I spurned Frodo's advances even though it felt really nice that someone was paying attention to me and holding me. I am THAT nice.
Up: I didn't have a hangover.
Down: I have a sore throat and I blame it on bacteria from the highly unsanitary conditions of the beer pong game responsible for my inebriation. P.S. Beer is really really nasty. It tastes like liquid bread dough with fizz.
Up: I met some really cute guys at work.
Down: They have girlfriends/are aware that dating a coworker is a bad idea.
Up: Sarah Palin on SNL!
Down: It's Saturday night and I'm sitting in my apartment making an emo playlist and watching Sarah Palin on SNL.
Like I said. My life is a cosine graph.
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