I'll follow you into the dark

"If heaven and hell decide that they both are satisfied,
and illuminate the nos on their vacancy signs,
if there's no one beside you when your soul embarks,
then I'll follow you into the dark."

I've been feeling melancholy today - not even that, just lonely. I just need someone to be next to me, to touch, to hold, to hold me. I am sinking so deep into loneliness that I actually lay down on my bed today with my squishy bird in my arms and imagined that Jared Padalecki was next to me being my big spoon. Really, that only made it worse. The fact that I have no one to be physically close with is really weighing on me. I have realized that I relate primarily through touch, and right now I haven't been close with anyone since August. It's getting so bad that I'm worried I might end up making decisions I don't want to. I mean, if I really wanted to, I could definitely find someone to be intimate with, but I don't. I don't want to cheapen a moment where all I need is to be physically close to someone with what would inevitably devolve into something sexual, but I'm afraid that at this rate, I just might.

So, I guess that what I want to say is that I miss you because with us that stupid touch barrier doesn't exist and that it's not awkward when we hug and because I'm comfortable just sitting next to you with our feet touching and that's enough for me.