Summer Romance Novel Book Club: Tender is the Storm

 Ooh! A Western! The next book on my summer romance novel reading list was Tender is the Storm by (who else?) Johanna Lindsey. It tells the tale of Sharisse Hammond, a New York society girl who is running from an arranged marriage and Lucas Holt, a rancher out for revenge against the man who killed his father and in need of a wife. Lucas sends for a mail order bride and is rewarded with Sharisse, who is more of a handful than he had bargained for.

Sharisse Hammond is arranged to be married to a young New York man who befits her privileged station. But when she learns that her sister is in love with her fiancee, she agrees to run away to avoid the marriage. She hops on a train and heads for Arizona, where she is posing as a mail-order bride for Lucas Holt. Her plan is to deceive him and delay for a while so she won't have to actually marry him. What she does not expect is to be totally attracted to the man who now holds her fate in his hands. Even more disconcerting is Lucas's twin brother, Slade, a rough, savage man who never fully recovered from witnessing the death of his father. To Sharisse's dismay, she is attracted to both brothers, and has to reconcile her fear of Slade and her trust of Lucas with her attraction to them both. Finally an encounter with Slade sends her running into Lucas's arms, and they do it. Outside. In the open. Next to the fire. Dangerous. What Lucas isn't telling Sharisse is that he has no more intention of marrying her than she does of marrying him. So neither of them are happy when they are forced to wed by the abrupt appearance of a preacher. They fight, and Sharisse hops back on a train to New York. One year later, Lucas catches up to Sharisse in New York, dressed to the nines and ready to marry her for real. She surprises him with twin baby girls, and they reunite and confess their love and live happily ever after. Oh, and Lucas is actually Slade, and the actual Lucas was killed at the same time as his father. Yeah...

This book left kind of a sour taste in my mouth. There was the usual deception/misunderstanding plotline, plus pregnancy and the requisite class divide. Aside from the cover, it was pretty unremarkable. So this space will be used to discuss the awesomeness that is the cover. First, I would like to draw your attention to the fantastic nudity of the hero. He is butt nekkid in the middle of the wilderness. There's snakes out there, dude, you don't want your fantastic thighs being chomped on, now do you? But I'll bet his backside is getting awfully ticklish from those grasses. Kind of awkward trying to sex up your girlfriend while your butt is being tickled by desert grasses. That being said, I have to give it to the artist for staying true to life and making his buttocks paler than his torso, since you know those aren't getting as much sun as his chiseled abs. Second, I'd like to mention the heroine. Her dress is falling off, and her breasts are strategically placed right over his... well, you know. Do you think that's the point? Is that what they're doing? Also, she kind of looks like she's passed out. Is he about to ravage a comatose woman? Uncalled for, dude, not okay. And another thing - where's she getting eyeshadow in the desert? Just a thought.

Stay tuned for the next installment set in the barbarically sexy Middle East - Silver Angel.

P.S. I was never able to discern how the novel got its title. Tender is the Storm? There were no storms. At all.